Singleness in our community is been just viewed as a transit phase towards marriage – so there is always a buildup of pressure towards “somehow” move into marriage – without recognizing the significance of God working in a person through his/her singleness and missing the beauty in the season.
A lot of time churches, communities do not provide space to deal with the challenge faced by single adults – especially single adults who are of advanced age. These are a few points I would like to encourage those who are in this season of life:
1) You are not “left- out”
You are precious in the eyes of the Lord; he has not forgotten you. Attending your peers' wedding one after another and even more seeing another set of your old friends sharing their wedding photos on Instagram / Facebook, you would have asked yourself this question; "Is all the waiting going in vain?" or it might ring in your ears; “Is God concerned with my life?”. These questions may eventually prompt you to think; "Am I left - out"?!
The Bible has many people who have gone through similar situations of thinking "being left-out". When the prophet Samuel came to Jesse's house, Jesse had all his sons lined up except David who was not in the frontline. Another example I remember is Leah's. Leah's life would have been a big struggle as she grew up. Her sister, Rachel, always got attention and was the woman Jacob was looking at. She was unfortunate that she was used by her father who tricked her into marriage with Jacob. Leah's pain increased with her marriage as her husband always neglected her. Every time she had a child, she thought her husband would change his attitude and start loving her, but she never got the attention she was looking for from her husband.
Even as you read this, you might have a series of scars in your life from the event in your life where you were not the priority or the first choice! Remember, God sees you through the scars you are dealing with! We know that as the story progresses, David is finally anointed and becomes the King of Israel and Leah had a breakthrough in her understanding with the birth of "Judah" - Judah meant "This time I will Praise the Lord. ” - she wasn't now waiting to see how her husband treats her.
As we go through a season of singleness, we need to understand that we are God's priority. All we need to do is whisper a prayer to seek his face throughout this season. Some passages to think about –
The Lord will perfect that which concerns me. (Psalm 138:8)
How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God, how vast is their sum! (Psalm 139:17)
2) Leave no stone “unturned”
Singleness could also be challenging in dealing with sin. It would be so easy to give up on the temptation and have temporary satisfaction than trusting in God. Where do you lean towards – passion or God's promises?
The Israelites, while in the wilderness, desired the leftovers of Egypt rather than looking to the Promised Land that God had ordained. It is so easy to find comfort/ temporary satisfaction in the known pleasure that the world could offer than trusting in the “un-known/ un-seen” provision God has prepared for us and thereby enjoying the greater beauty God has planned for our life’s.. Many times, the Israelites through their journey failed to believe that the “manna” that God provided to them could sustain them throughout the journey- they were tempted to look back to the leftovers of Egypt!
The period of singleness could bring its challenges sexually, emotionally, etc. It could be so tempting to indulge in the worldly pleasure that is known and readily available. Do you silently harbor sin or pleasure as a coping mechanism?
It would be difficult to deal with these emotions or impulses. Being a believer, you might have thought if I had just a button to turn off these urges. God designed us, men, and women - with a natural inclination to have a partner and have an intimate relationship, so if you have feelings, those thoughts are not sinful! It's about trusting God, his grace, and his time.
I love this prayer of David –
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24
Ask the Holy Spirit to work in your life daily; to help you uncover those sins that are hidden in the deepest chamber of your heart. Let there be no room for shame, guilt, or any bondage in your life, and may you experience the freedom that Christ offers you.
Yes, this is going to be an uphill battle and that is why Paul says, “I beat my body daily” and “captivate every thought that rises against Christ”. Do we provide a safe place for sin to be a harbor in your life? - Let us remember with this prayer:
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock, and my Redeemer Psalms 19.14
Onto this add the filter from Apostle Paul (be it what you think, watch, or do)
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)
You need not wait to get married to make a “covenant” – The commitment of Job is always an inspiration; "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman”- Job31.1.
Therefore, do not try to leap over these mountains in this season of singleness, rather strive to win over each of these mountains by trusting in the grace of God! Marriage can't help you get over those mountains, and you don't want to carry that baggage in time when God leads you to the next season. If you did, it would be like a student who managed to get into a professional course without understanding the pre-requisites. Quoting Andy Stanley “The PRESENT will be your PAST which will be PRESENT in your FUTURE”!
Prophet Jeremiah reminds us with a question for this season of singleness-
If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan? – (Jeremiah 12.5)
The season of singleness is also a means by which God builds you up as a "disciple" and transforms you into His likeness. You don't want to somehow "skip" this phase, but master every lesson in holiness that God is trying to teach you!
Are you struggling with this question? How much is too much? (On relationships and purity) – check out this blog.
Reflect through the above thoughts and stay tuned for the next part on this topic, which is going to be out soon!! 😊
Author – Jobin Sam Varghese
Editor – Sangeeth Shaji
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